On April 11 and April 14, a WeChat public account successively published two articles titled "Shanghai Lockdown Jokes," compiling numerous satirical jokes about Shanghai's lockdown policies. In the readers' comments, there were also many original jokes mocking the lockdown.
Shanghai Lockdown Jokes 2.0
The previous edition of Shanghai Lockdown Jokes was quite popular, and out of concern for the author’s safety, a friend advised its deletion. In the past two days, Shanghai’s pandemic situation has provided even more material. Here is another collection of jokes, including some contributed by readers, for some laughter amid hardship.
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Shanghai municipal leaders once visited a Fangcang (makeshift quarantine center) and addressed the isolated citizens: "The lifting of lockdown has already appeared on Shanghai’s horizon!" A little boy, not knowing what "horizon" meant, asked his father. The father replied, "The horizon is a line you can see but never reach."
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A Shanghai resident asked at a pandemic press conference: "Are the conditions in the Fangcang really that great?" The response: "Of course. Six months ago, another citizen doubted this, so we sent him to a Fangcang to experience it firsthand. He must have really liked it—he’s never come back."
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A Shanghai citizen had been quarantined in a Fangcang for two months. He clung to the fence, shouting, "I’m negative!" Another Shanghai citizen dragged him down and pinned him to the ground: "Stop denying it! The real negatives were only locked up for two weeks!"
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A Shanghai resident kept dreaming of ghosts and sought advice from three friends on how to get rid of them. The first friend, a pandemic volunteer, suggested sleeping dressed as a "Big White" (pandemic worker in full PPE)—this way, the ghosts would avoid him. It didn’t work. The second friend, who worked in disease control, advised him to tell the ghosts, "Your health code data is incorrect; you’re positive." This also didn’t work. The third friend, a fellow resident in his neighborhood, told him: "Tell the ghosts that there’s a new batch of relief supplies being distributed in hell today." The Shanghai resident never saw the ghosts again.
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A Shanghai official wanted to know how citizens really felt about the pandemic policies, so he disguised himself and blended into a nucleic acid testing queue. He asked a resident, "Excuse me, what do you think about Shanghai’s pandemic policies?"
The person led him to a quiet corner, made sure no one else was around, then whispered into his ear: "I support Shanghai’s pandemic policies!"
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A woman in Xuhui District bought a smart TV that could recommend content based on voice commands.
"American TV shows!" It played Friends.
"Variety shows!" It switched to Roast Convention.
"Anime!" It opened Ranking of Kings on Bilibili.
She was pleased. Suddenly, she received a WeChat notification: the neighborhood committee announced that they would be sealing the door with tape that evening. She cursed, "Damn it! Stupid policy!"
The smart TV immediately started playing United in Strength, Together for Shanghai—A Special Pandemic Broadcast by Oriental TV.
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Original Jokes from Version 1.0:
An elderly man in Shanghai fell into an artificial lake while going downstairs for a COVID test and shouted for help.
Two police officers enforcing the lockdown walked by, ignoring him while chatting and laughing as usual.
In desperation, the elderly man had a sudden idea and yelled, "I’m positive!"
The two officers were startled. They immediately jumped into the lake, dragged him ashore, and handcuffed him.
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At a pandemic control press conference, a Shanghai official announced: "Essential supplies have been delivered to Shanghai via special logistics, including over 80,000 maternal and infant products and more than 100,000 medical and pandemic prevention supplies."
A commenter replied: "Our elderly family member has been out of medicine for three days; we have no supplies!"
Ignoring this, the official continued: "Additionally, 100 tons of vegetables from Zhejiang and 10 tons of lamb from Xinjiang have arrived."
Another commenter wrote: "Our compound has been locked down for two weeks; we have no food!"
The official responded: "Comrades, you should focus less on your home supplies and more on official media! For example, Shanghai Release!" Then he disabled the comment section.
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A municipal leader visited a locked-down neighborhood, accompanied by a neighborhood committee director, to inspect food supplies. Near the garbage area, they found a rotten cabbage leaf lying outside the compost bin.
The leader was displeased: "Whose cabbage leaf is this?!"
The committee director looked around, then cheerfully said: "Looks like it belongs to no one, sir. Quick, pick it up and eat it!"
At a Shanghai municipal conference, the host said: "Those who support ‘dynamic zero-COVID’ sit on the left; those who support ‘living with the virus’ sit on the right."
Most sat on the left, a few on the right. Only one person remained seated in the center.
The host asked, "Comrade, do you support dynamic zero-COVID or coexisting with the virus?"
He replied, "I support dynamic zero-COVID, but my life feels like coexisting with the virus."
Flustered, the host said, "Then please come sit on the stage."
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A Shanghai resident, Zhang San, caught a fish from the river near his neighborhood and excitedly told his wife: "Look, we can have fried fish!"
"No oil."
"Then we’ll boil it!"
"No pot."
"Grilled fish!"
"No salt."
Frustrated, Zhang San walked back to the river and threw the fish in. The fish swam in an arc, surfaced, raised its right fin, and shouted: "Long live static management!"
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During a visit to Paris, Shanghai’s leader was unimpressed by landmarks like Notre Dame, the subway, the Arc de Triomphe, art museums, highways, or the Eiffel Tower. But when he arrived at the Louvre, he showed great interest in its size and layout.
He asked the French official, "Aha! Paris has a population of about 11 million, right?"
"That’s correct."
The Shanghai leader proudly declared: "Haha, I’ve figured it out! You’ve been using the Louvre as a Fangcang!"
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A painting of Adam and Eve was displayed in an art museum.
A British visitor remarked, "They must be British—the man shares his food with the woman."
A French visitor commented, "They must be French—a couple strolling naked."
A Shanghai visitor said, "They must be from Shanghai—they have no clothes, barely any food, and are in isolation!"
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Highly Upvoted Reader Contributions:
@林衍竹：
A Shanghai resident was locked at home for 14 days, eating only one meal a day. He had an idea—he could enter a Fangcang to get food. He told a staff member: "I feel weak and sick. I must have Omicron. Please take me to Fangcang!" The staff replied: "Stop pretending. People with Omicron don’t look like you. They’re all full of energy."
@秋天：
At a pandemic press conference, the spokesperson declared: "The situation is under control, supplies are sufficient, management is orderly, and our lives will improve!" Someone in the audience asked, "What about us?"
@粟涵：
The community reported to the subdistrict office: "We can’t survive; please send vegetables."
Response: "Tighten your belts."
Community: "Then please send belts."
@赵博磊：
At a Shanghai pandemic awards ceremony, doctors, nurses, and volunteers were recognized. The grand finale honored a group with dark circles under their eyes. Someone asked, "Who are they?" Another replied, "The programmers deleting posts online."
@cathulhu:
A first-grade student in Shanghai was doing homework at home during quarantine.
The child asked their mother, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"
The mother replied, "A month ago, we had both in the fridge."
@Per Aspera Ad Astra:
A Shanghai elementary school teacher was conducting an online class and reassured the students:
"Don’t worry, Shanghai is an international metropolis and a model for pandemic control. The whole country is supporting us. We have plenty of supplies and excellent medical care."
The children excitedly responded, "Yay! I want to go to Shanghai!"
@qiuda:
A Shanghai official was introducing Shanghai’s technological advancements to an American official. Proudly, he said, "By the end of this year, every Shanghai household will have its own 6G base station!"
The American official, puzzled, asked, "But what’s the point of having a 6G base station in every home?"
The Shanghai official scoffed, "Isn’t it obvious? Say you hear that a new batch of group-buy groceries is available at 5 AM—now you can snatch food even faster with better internet speed!"
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Notes:
This article is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes only. It does not reflect or represent the real situation in Shanghai. Any resemblance to actual persons, events, or policies is purely coincidental.
The author and readers contributing jokes bear no ill will toward Shanghai’s government officials, civil servants, police, medical workers, pandemic staff, neighborhood committees, or volunteers. Many jokes are adapted from Soviet-era humor, which inherently includes satire about public officials, but with no malice intended. If there is any offense, please accept our apologies.
Most reader-submitted jokes have been published with authorization. For any concerns, please contact us privately for deletion or anonymization.
This article does not accept monetary rewards. If you have extra funds, please consider donating to support elderly and vulnerable groups in your community.